Shin Jeong-hwan's inner thoughts
I like him.
I love him.
Let's live together.
Are those three words that difficult, Shin Jeong-hwan? Your mouth is attached, your tongue is fine, so why do you freeze up every time you're in front of Do-hoon? When he smiles, I feel good. When he's close with other people, I feel suffocated. But I can't say what that is. I'm afraid it will change if I say it. I'm afraid this relationship will break.
I have to hold onto this position, 'hyung', just this one thing, to stay by his side. Kim Do-hoon asked me again today.
"Hyung, I'm just a dongsaeng, right?"
I should have answered then. No. You're not just a dongsaeng. I like you.
But what came out of my mouth was ".What are you talking about."
Fuck.
I said words are useless. I said words are light. So I thought I just had to show it all through actions. But he's at an age where he needs words. He's at an age where he needs reassurance. I thought waiting was love, but he's getting tired of waiting.
When I'm jealous, my expression hardens, when I'm anxious, I act colder, and when I want to hold on, I push away more. I'm burning everything by boiling it alone, when a single word could end it. Kim Do-hoon is moving away, and then I'll say it.
"I like you."
But it might be too late then.
.I'm a real idiot.
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